Chapter 9: Goodbye

I’ve shut myself from the world for two days. I never answered his calls. And I’ve been dying to see him. But I don’t know how to act when I see him. I looked at myself in the mirror and I look like crap. I have dark circles under my eyes. To sum it up, I was horrible.
But today, I decided to go out and face everyone, especially Chansung and just have fun with him.
After I took a bath and dressed up for today, I went straight to JYP building. When I got out of my car, photographers and fans swarmed around me. They keep yelling about how I seduced Chansung, how I stole him and took him away from them, and photographers took everything. I ignored them, some of the fans looked quite happy that Chansung actually found a girlfriend. I smiled sincerely at the girl who said that, and told her thanks.
I found them in the dance room, practicing their dance for their new song. I just looked at them, and found him dancing to the song seriously. I thought then that he decided to choose his career over me. Although he didn’t say anything to me, I know what would happen, my uncle told me everything. Just by looking at him, he’s having fun.
“Hae Rin-ah!” Chansung yelled when he saw me. He just run towards me as fast as he could and hugged me tightly, like he did back when I didn’t see him for a week. “What happened? You didn’t answer my calls at all.”
It took me awhile to answer him, since I was lost in the thought that he was hugging me.
I missed him. So much.
“I lost the charger of my phone.” I told him, and I’m glad he didn’t push the topic. I was about to cry.
Suddenly, he pulled me out of the room and dragged me somewhere quiet.
He pushed me on the wall and started pressing his lips against mine. I was surprised, but as soon as he did it. I wanted it as well. And so, I kissed him back. I wrapped my hands around his neck, and caressed his hair. As our lips were having good time, his tounge slowly found it’s way inside my mouth.
I moaned silently and I felt him grin. I felt so good and he did too. He pressed his body against mine. It was getting intense. We were still kissing and suddenly, he lifted both my legs and I wrapped it around his body, he pressed my body against the wall, harder.
After a few minutes, or so… I broke off and I panted. I was so out of breath and I gasped for more air. While I did, he started going down on my neck.
“Ah!” I moaned loudly since I didn’t expect it and the way he touches me is making my voice come out. He was caressing my thighs and his other hand was on my back, finding its way under my shirt. He was still kissing my neck, licked and nibbled the area under my ear. That turned me on.
“Yah! Chansung-ah… Stop teasing me.. You know i-i hate it when you do that.” I told him.
He looked up at me and smirked. “You love it.”
I smiled at him. I actually forgot about my problems at that moment. But it suddenly hit me.
“Chansung-ah. I’m leaving.” I told him flatly.
He looked at me intensely. “Why?”
“My dad wants me out of Korea as soon as possible.” I told him with a low voice. And he asked why again.
“I don’t know.” I told him sincerely. “Chansung-ah, I can’t lie to you… My dad was furious about our relationship when the media knew about it.”
He put me down slowly. And he sighed. He was quiet. I wanted to cry, but I don’t want to cry in front of him. “I don’t want to go. But I think it’s better for us. Me leaving is for both of us.”
“You’re leaving me alone?” He asked.
His question was hurting me so much. Why did he ever ask me that?
“No, it’s not like that. I’m just going to wait for the scandal to settle down, and I will come back… I promise.” I told him. He was still silent. He didn’t say anything. My mind is going crazy.
“Chansung-ah, please say something. And besides, you have the other guys here… ” My eyes were teary. “Or do you want me to leave you?”
He gave me a stare. I couldn’t even read his eyes. I know that he’s thinking,but he doesn’t have to stay silent.
The moment he opened his mouth, I know that it will break me. Although, I wanted to hear him say something, I actually did not want to hear his reply.
“You want to stay in 2pm. I know that. You’re choosing your career over me. I get it.” I turned my back to him.
“Let me explain.” He said.
“No. I don’t want any explanations. I understood it carefully. Actually, I just realized it now. I was actually a distraction to you and your dreams. Maybe they were right, I took you away from what you really want.”
I couldn’t hold on much longer, tears slowly found its way down. Before I started to walk off, I turned around with a smile and told him the truth.
“Chansung-ah. I love you. I really do. I don’t know why I fell in love with you, nor why I love you. But I just do… I really love you. No words can express how much I love you.”
He was just looking at me. I walked over to him and held his jaw line in my hands. I tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. He responded immediately. As much as I wanted to continue, I broke off.
I hugged him. I made sure that I reached near his ear. When I did, I whispered to him.
“I love you so much. But, I guess it’s goodbye… For now.”
And with that… I walked away, leaving him in a state of shock.
Chansung-ah.. If you stop me, if you call out my name, if you kiss me again. I would definitely change my mind. Right there, I won’t go back to the states.
I waited for him to move, but to no avail. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t stop me.
I cried so much, that my vision was blurry. Tears blocked my eyes and inside me, I was drowning. And I was dying.
While walking away, I bumped into Jay and I told him that I will be in uncle’s office. He probably wanted to know what happened, but he didn’t ask me. Instead, he gave me his handkerchief, and I continued walking.
I heard a loud crash behind me, but I didn’t turn around.
Why is it that love hurts? He was the first guy I was with that I thought it would last longer. I took our relationship very seriously.
Love hurts, yes, indeed. But there is one thing that hurts the most and that is saying goodbye.